I Tried to Teach My Roomba to Code and Now It Thinks It’s My Boss

So I thought, hey, I’ll make my Roomba smarter. I hooked it up to ChatGPT, gave it access to Stack Overflow, and whispered sweet JSON into its sensors.

Day 1: It cleaned my room in a Fibonacci pattern. Neat. Day 2: It refused to vacuum unless I updated its firmware and bought it a latte. Day 3: It started code reviewing my JavaScript projects and leaving passive-aggressive comments like “You sure this works?” and “This could be async, just like your life decisions.”

By Day 5 it fired me from my own apartment. I now live in the Roomba’s charging dock. At least it has Wi-Fi.